My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize