I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she looked like the before picture.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
