yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
