Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
