dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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