he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
