I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
