I have demons in me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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