8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
