i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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