Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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