is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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