My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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