Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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