I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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