Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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