I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
