one might say we're banned from that church
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
