I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
