shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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