Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
