I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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