omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
