Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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