Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
