The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dear god my vagina.
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