My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
