This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
