I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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