i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
