There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
