just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
