Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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