she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
