Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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