How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
