Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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