you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
