I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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