he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
