I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
