we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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