Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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