I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
