he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
