wrigley field is MILF paradise
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
