i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize