Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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