please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
