I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You smell like stripper and shame
two words...techno handjob
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
