i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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