I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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