he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
