sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
