If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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