I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
