I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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