i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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