How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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