Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
