Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
