Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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