I hate your face
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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