Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
